The Two Faces of Two Faces

The Two Faces of Two Faces

I just finished watching a documentary about a young Canadian man who videoed his trials and tribulations in dealing with what was at first, diagnosed as bipolar disorder. 

It was slightly enlightening, and I mean that just as I said it, in that it was slightly enlightening.  Having had this diagnosis conferred upon me, some ten, or more years ago – I forget just how long ago it was, I was, naturally, intrigued.  It turned out to be very much like a number of films I have seen, and books, on the subject, I have studied.  Every time – every freakin’ time – these tales of woe and sorrow and courage(?) seem to be about, and made, by people who are, as a rule, single and have access to a considerable amount of money.

Often they include either a love(?) of the wonders of medical and therapeutic science or a lot of spiritual mumbo-jumbo and herbs and eating special dirt (or something).  Mostly they include little vignettes from supportive family members, or friends.  How brave, how courageous, what examples of marvelous courage!  Jeezuz!  At the most most of this stuff is mostly formulaic  - like Reality Shows (whose reality and why do they always follow the same thematic crap).

A current undercurrent approach to MI is that it is being over diagnosed and frequently incorrectly diagnosed, which has resulting in a lot of people being treated for the wrong issues and, worse yet, with the wrong medication.  It’s almost like a political election battle.  “All the licensed MD’s are just pill-pushers!  It’s a big conspiracy by Big Pharma to get masses of people addicted and grab massive amounts of casharoo.”

“Don’t listen to the AMA!”

 ETC……. Etc. Etc.

What game are we playing at here?

First of all, I am told I’m nuts.  I have a deep narcissistic psychosis.  Then I’m severely depressed.  Then I have PTSD.  Then I have bipolar II.  Now I am told I have a personality disorder – and NOT any of those other things.  My children have forgiven my behavior (partly), my wife (who basically thought I was just an assehole sometimes) has forgiven me (mostly).  But still the overall assumption has been, and remains (mostly) that I am broken in the brain-pan. 

Now.

That was my story, how I got this way is a completely different story, but let’s deal with this part.  Who, just who the fuck, is a person who wakes up in the morning wishing he just didn’t have to wake up, supposed to listen to?  And then spends most of every day, kind of, wishing it was the last day he had to go through.  But with a lot of effort manages to get through that.  Some medications (with really thought provoking side-effects), a bunch of exercises and other little tricky self-developed tools and maybe, just maybe, can get to the evening time with a bit of work under his belt.  Just who is that person supposed to believe?

AND, just suppose that person is not single without children, or does not have much money and has virtually no support network – why don’t we ever see stories about that person.  I’ll answer that; because those people do not have the time, resources and/or any kind of support system to push their story out there.

Rely on the witch doctors and be susceptible to breakdowns and tragically accidental incidents that can land you in a clinic, or worse, maybe jail.  Rely on the traditional medical community and be susceptible to a foggy, unemotional brain, slow witted, without a notion of creativity or imagination AND have the adventure of massive weight gain and/or liver damage.  !!!  (Oh and just a side issue – if you are of the male variety, one really cool {?} side-effect of a lot of these meds is that your sex life can become a distant memory.)

Personally, just like religion, if you can convince yourself that eating tree bark will help straighten out yer brain, then for gawd’s sake, eat tree bark.  Somewhere there has to be a middle-ground.  Having the symptoms of a Mental Illness obvious as can be to yourself and everyone around you, is kind of proof that there is an issue you must deal with.  Getting a label for that issue can be kind of helpful, at least in the beginning when your daily life-style gets completely whonked.  After a number, like maybe ten or twenty years, that label gets very tiresome to lug around.  And often feels like it’s just an excuse for other people to treat you like some kind of an emotional invalid. 

So, speaking from a backlog of about 60 years of dealing with this on a personal level, here is my first recommendation.

“Search for a methodical life pattern which will sustain you and stick with it as long as possible.”  This is just #1.  I will get into others with other blogs.

Caveat: “Don’t let it break you though, if that methodical life pattern collapses from time to time.  Just “hang in there”, stay in the game and look for a new one.” 

dalepeterson.us

Books on Kindle by Dale Clarence Peterson
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Note: for the brave among my dear readers, I offer a new, separate but different blog:

Equations for the Joyous Mind

A study in a matter of theory and conjecture about human brain-mind development towards retaining ever increasing meta-cognitive development.  Based on Mathematics, and I refer to Base 3 Calculus. I wouldn’t expect a whole lot of people to give it a try.  But if you are in any manner open-minded and intellectually curious, the Math used is truly only a tool to condense the theory proposed. 

Just published  “Twelve Roses for Kathy – A journey on a motorcycle out of the darkness of bipolar disorder”