A Murder of Crows for Today
* Guy just pulled into the Starbucks parking lot. In a Jeep. Huge, massive, dirt-whomping tires. Deep waffle treads. Tires are sticking out, at least, two feet
past the Jeep frame (which is illegal as hell in a lot of states). This vehicle
looks like it could climb Mt. Killamanwhackadoodle in deep mud. And, he looks like he’d have a bit of trouble
climbing a flight of stairs – young guy too.
Give ‘em enough gasoline and most Americans can do just
about anything.
* Last Sunday somebody shit (yes, shit) in one of the shower stalls at my health club. Stunk up the whole locker room like … well,
like shit tends to do. Being as it was a
Sunday, the club was pretty empty. At
the time I was there, there weren’t any men left in the actual locker
room. I went into the shower area and
the stall with the poo in it had the
water turned on full blast, pointed at this ethical mistake.
Okay, it happens. It
happens. Young father comes in with his
toddler son, or daughter. Gonna go
swimming. Comes out of the pool and the
kid is freezing from the walk from the pool area to the showers. An experience that can shift the lower track
for certain. He’s showering down the kid
and the kid drops one. It can happen
(I’ve raised six kids) – it can happen.
He’s embarrassed, really embarrassed. Maybe this is his first child. “Oh deary me, what to do?” Dude!
Walkin’ off and leaving it in the shower? No, that
is not what to do.
What really bothered me though, is that my health club doesn’t
seem to want to hire very many male
attendants. And so, on a Sunday there
isn’t anyone on staff who can come into the men’s
locker room to clean it up! And, yes
I did go out to the front desk and make the female teen-ager on duty aware of
it. But, really, what can she do?
* My oldest daughter has gotten on my case about my observations about – fat (how else to say it?) people. Heftiness is okay. We all like a bit of extra pie from time to time.
Maybe, with today’s general lifestyle, we don’t get quite enough calorie
burning done and a few extra survival pounds
accumulate around the waistline.
But, when a visit to Walmart becomes like a carnival
bumper-car venue because no less than half the people have to use those little
battery cart devices, it has become something to pay attention to. Pads of butt hanging off each side. Filling up the whole aisle like that refreshment cart stewards use on
airplanes.
* Speaking of which, on the airplane, you are asked if you
would like a beverage. “Yeah have you got Coke?” “Yes.”
And, they pour from an open can of soda, or they open one and pour from
that, into a small plastic cup.
I get it. The airline
industry is struggling with costs. No
more meals, that is free
meals. I don’t generally drink soda
anyway and being as I am a vegan, if I didn’t stipulate my veganism way ahead
of time when booking the flight, I didn’t get anything. Keep your bubbly and jerked dead animal.
But, isn’t there some other way to deal with the cost
overruns than going so-o-o cheap on the snacks.
It’s humiliating. Humiliating for
the person in the customer’s seat AND humiliating for the stewards –
parsimoniously portioning out parts
of snacks.
While the owner of the airline, and his or her dog, Freddy, gulp down full, non-portioned, cans of soda.
* Pretty soon, there won’t even be stewards on the airlines.
They’ll put some kind of vending machines in the back and you’ll have to
read the little card about your seatbelt, yourself. Can’t read, too lazy to read? I hope you’re wearing a helmet. And, instead of clean restrooms on the
planes, they’ll have Port-a-johns
duct taped to the sides of the plane – like maybe on the wings.
*Watching an old Indiana Jones movie. Indy is
on some kind of plane in South America and there are goats running up and down
the aisle and people sitting there holding chickens. I’ve been to South America and yes, people do
take their livestock on public
transportation. So, while it’s kind of
funny to compare that style of living
and customs, as compared to the spoiled American standard, doesn’t it bring to
mind something?
Evolution? Maybe,
Science?
Several species of animals, inside a metal tube weighing in
the region of tons {?}, flying. Mother Nature has be looking at this, “WTF? Hey, one of those animals is a fucking bird!” (“I put wings and feathers on that dickwad!!!”)
* I love comedy and listen to a lot of it on my cellular device. I have become somewhat exhausted with the
joking about vegetarians and vegans as being some sort(s) of weirdos,
strange … jeeze, what-the-fuck-ever. I haven’t eaten dead animals and their
by-products for most of my life and
I’m really, really old and not tired or anything.
Do whatever you want.
Eat dirt if you want. I’m not
even going to make a case for not eating
aminals. Just don’t try to milk funny out of your own dumbidity. Let me just turn the turn-around. First you mow down a rainforest, that has the
only natural cure for cancer in some
endangered orchid. Then you stick
wa-a-ay too many cows on it. You pump
them full of enough estrogen (to gain artificial weight) to grow tits on a rock
AND jugs of anti-biotics to keep them from dying – diminishing your own immune
system to zero. Keep ‘em fat and stupid
(where have I seen that before), drive a steel bolt into their brains, hike ‘em
up overhead and strip ‘em down to the bones.
THEn, more chemicals, sprays and food-dyes, rat poison to counteract all
the rats that crawl around on the carcases, pooing everywhere.
And, then, and then, burn it to kill the remaining scurvy
all the chemicals missed and to render
it more easily digestible. Allowing for
your own body to gather hardened fat in your cardio-vascular system, destroy
your colon and, and, and (here’s the bonus) shorten your lifespan by a
significant level.
“Yeah, well I couldn’t live without bacon!” First of all bacon comes from pigs, not cattle.
But anyway, take all of the above stuff to get beef on your plate and
triple it to put bacon on your
plate. But, but, but then, anyway
WTF! When humans had to survive - like - glaciers in the backyard and hike across a continent to get fresh water,
high-end protein was pretty important.
Those are no longer real
issues, for most of us. Bear in mind,
those guys lived about 25 years. You
can’t even get a motorcycle license, or a tattoo, until you’re 18! Can’t legally buy a bottle of beer until
you’re 21.
“Hey Dad! Can I have a sip of your antelope beer
(whatever)?”
“You can have the whole thing. I think I’m back into the cave and die.”
There is no real point to the this vegan/megan battle. I don’t drink alcohol either, so after you’ve
had your steak and four gin and tonics, we can still be friends. I’ll drive you home.
No comments:
Post a Comment