Falling Through the Ice

Falling Through the Ice

So the Scientific Community – all the scientific biggies – (can’t remember all of the organizations), but ALL of the big ones – have just come out with the latest ecological and environmental studies.  Their big conclusion – we’re screwed.

We ARE SCREWED!!! 

Big time screwed.  On the bright side, once again the cockroaches and reptiles are gonna be fine.  But humans and equally higher life forms, like ferns, are screwed.  Say two decades and the oceans will no longer support very many species of fish.  The oxygen producing guys – algae or protozoans, or whatever those guys are – are gonna all gasping their last.  Which means the days of long marathon running are numbered; at least without a helmet and a fifty pound O₂ tank of your back. 

Of course the politically Conservative elements are waiting for, as they have put it “We’ll wait until the scientists have proven there’s a problem.”  Dudes!!  They just did!  I think of course another possible bright side is that a good portion of the southern United States, apparently, will be underwater and the more northern and mountainous regions will soon be as warm as the southern ones.  This, kind of, means that all the ones who seem to have trouble accepting that all of their overconsumption of stuff in general will soon have to take place on houseboats.

Anywize … what bothers me the most is the disappearance of ice.  Imagine it, no ice.  The whole planet so hot that water will no longer freeze.  Talk about screwed.  Who is gonna drink warm Red Bull?  Forget about beer.  Most everybody but Americans drinks it warm already anyway. 

It means the end of the Winter Olympics.  No more NHL.  (Gawd, that’s a depressing thought – no more hockey.)  Everybody will have to wear oxygen masks outdoors, even the dogs.  No more birds shitting on the statues – that’s a plus maybe.  All the rats and other vermin will simply move into the air sealed houses.  Gnawing through two foot thick walls with the new huge razor sharp teeth they will evolve to possessing, in like two generations – or about a week and a half.

I spent many of my brighter childhood years in the northern latitudes of this country, where ice was just a normal part of the year.  In New England this part of the year was maybe nine or ten months.  Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire is a huge lake, like twenty-six miles long and six to eight miles wide.  There are over 350 islands on Lake Winnie.  Some are miles from shore and there are huge mansions on these islands.  And some of these island mansions are over 200 years old.

So the question arises, “How the hell did they get all the building materials out there 200 years ago?”  Well, in the winter the ice on Lake Winnie can freeze two feet thick, or more.  So they just drove big wagons out there with all the stuff they needed and did the actual building in the summer.  And of course without the winter freeze and the cycle of snow runoff, etc., now most of those mansions are going to become fish farms.

What I loved was ice skating outside.  As a young boy I loved that.  Now in my dotage I just hate being cold.  But at that time, I could hardly wait for the first good freeze.  My buddies and I would go to our closest pond and everyday we would chuck bigger and bigger rocks, higher and higher, testing the ice.  Usually until after Thanksgiving, our rocks would ka-plunck through.  Then one day the biggest rock we could hoist for a big cannonball drop, would plank! , skid a bit and refuse to go through.

Even so, our biggest rock was maybe a twenty pounder and even with a good high heave it couldn’t have impacted with more than … maybe fifty pounds.  The biggest of us was say 100 pounds, the smallest …sixty pounds.   So our rock heaving test didn’t always prove that the ice was safe.  Necessarily.  Factually.  We were always wa-a-ay anxious to skate, play hockey, crack our skulls doing really stupid stunts.

A few times we … well, we … we got out on the ice a bit … premature?  The lakes and ponds in New England can be much deeper than might be expected.  Going through the ice has taken out many northern dwelling child, generally dumb boy childs.  Even if you are a good swimmer, the shock first of having the surface you are standing (or skating) on giving way is a very very shocking.  Then the bitching cold water is like being punched in the stomach.  Then your clothes become like wet sandbags.  The experience is unpleasant.

Maybe more like deadly?  Or, it can be.  It did happen to me a couple of times.  Being the type of kid I was though I survived.  Not because I was not really stupid, but somehow I was always a bit on the lucky side when it came to near death stupidities.

I did know of a number of other kids who were not lucky. 

There were always warning signs.  Even if the ice passed the rock test, but it wasn’t actually safe, there was the cracking.  When you got out on the ice and it started cracking, it was not only visually obvious, but you could hear it.  A creepy and easily recognizable sound.  Ignoring those signs was frequently a ticket for a dance with the devil.

It is possible that the newest generation will have children or, if they are lucky, grandchildren who will never know what real ice is.

So it would seem to me, if all of our scientific geniuses are telling us that we are on really super-thin ice, maybe we ought to pay attention.

dalepeterson.us