The First Pentecostal Church of Heathens

The First Pentecostal Church of Heathens

Accepting that Wikipedia is correct with its definition of what is Pentecostal, I think this is possible.  It seems to just depend on whether or not you accept the full acceptance of some kind of inerrancy of some kind of document.  Really, since this all predates Christianity and Mohammed, etc. and that it was the ancient Greeks who mostly invented the word and concept – it could be just about any book (as it were).

So let’s say I write a book laying down a sort of set of rules and stuff for my Church of Heathens to follow, and they pledge that they believe that this book has no errors in it, then “Bob’s yer Uncle … we’re off to the races”.  We have the First Pentecostal Church of Heathens.  The question then is, “what is a heathen?”

Now here is where, I believe, Wikipedia gets all muddled.  Mostly by confusing, or lumping, heathenism with paganism and determining it began in Germany and/or the Nordic regions.  Which is stupid.  The Oxford Dictionary of English says; “...Of an individual or people: holding religious beliefs of a sort that are considered unenlightened … (sic)”  This makes sense to me.  Since I would definitely say that when it comes to religion, I am assuredly unenlightened. 

And I see no reason why I should not be able to get together with other persons who also feel unenlightened – religiously.  We live in a time when the religiously enlightened are all running around killing each other because some believe they are more enlightened than some other people.  All of ‘em having jihads and standin’ their ground and poking under rocks for WOMD.  Taking out hundreds of thousands of to-o-tally­ innocent and uninvolved persons as collateral damage!

Over what?  What the fuck do they want?  What are they so pissed about? !!!  They are just pissed as hell that there are other people who are not enlightened in the enlightened way that they believe they are enlightened. And that makes them feel … maybe, insecure … or a little bit stupid.  So if they simply just like kill everybody else who is not in the same game as them, then that means they must be right – correct? 

The image I get is this; they are all just dung beetles rolling up their globs of treasure.  Guarding them against any and all threats.  Willing to fight and die for their treasured glob and forgetting that it’s really just a big ball of shit.  You can call it God or Jehovah or Allah or Marvin.  IT’S STILL JUST A BIG BALL OF SHIT.  And how is any one ball of shit any different than any other?  This is where my mind refuses to find enlightenment. 

Another question is, “Can you convert a dead person to your personal brand of enlightenment?”  A dead person can’t be said to believe in anything.  Really.  Is there any difference between a dead Christian and a dead Muslim?  Or dead anything?   Think about it.  How do you verify anything, one way or another?  Let me ask this, “Is there any way to be more unenlightened than being dead?”  Do the math.  This means, to me, that all dead persons must be, according to the Oxford Dictionary of English, heathens. 

What is the difference between us Heathens and Atheists and/or Agnostics?  Well, Agnostics says they don’t know.  “Is there a God?  Is there no God?  We don’t know and we don’t wanna say one way or the other.”  Atheists say, “Ain’t no God!” or more politically correct according to Atheists, “Ain’t no god!” (See the difference?)

But us Heathens say, “We don’t know enough not to know enough to know one way or the other.  We are really in the dark on this one.”  We want to sleep in on Sunday mornings, listen to the birdies sing and would really rather not be forced to shoot bullets at people for reasons we have no strong issues with.  Plus we want to be able to wear Bowling shirts to work to show our faith; kind of like our Heathen version of a Crucifix.

“I see by the little Cross on that gold chain around your neck, that you are a Christian.”

“That’s right.  And I see by your Bowling shirt here at work, that you are a Heathen.”

“Correct.”

Our bumper stickers will be a strict adherence to the absence of bumper stickers on our bumpers.  None.  Due to our unenlightened status, we take no sides because we … well, you know, we don’t know.

Our t-shirt logo will be a circle with a backwards slash across it.  Nothing in the circle and the slash running backwards, indicating “Null”.  Which will be our motto and mantra, “Null”.  Or drawn out as in non-committed meditation, ‘Nu-u-u-ll-ll-a-a-a-h”. 

Our t-shirt color will be beige.  Or, may a flat gray.  No no wait!  Our logo will be done in beige on a gray t-shirt.  With maybe a square around the circle, because we can’t say we are necessarily committed to the circle.

http://dalepeterson.us